so, i’ve mentioned once or a hundred times now that i am actively pursuing my own mental well-being. i’m just knee deep in therapy, in self-talk, inner child work, rewiring work, shadow work, work work (work work work work) by rihanna. i’ll say yes to ice baths and essential oils and calm.com and the trauma prayer and sitting over open fires roasting hotdogs and airing out old wounds with kindness together. i’m in, ya’ll. i’m all in. now we’re adding some heeeeavy grief to the mix, so you know i’m passing out the ashwaganda shots one at a time, night-after-night.
so, in this healing work, there’s this thing that happens for me, and i’m thinking i’m not unique in it. i’ll say or hear a sentence in a conversation, and something in my brain says, “hey! can we keep that? it means a lot to us. that makes everything feel super aligned in our mind and heart and body. please don’t forget that.” and i try hard to remember the exact thing because my sweet brain kindly spoke up and said it was the Next Thing We Needed™️
one of the latest NWTN™️ was something i wrote a few weeks back. how, in healing, it’s now my job to make God’s name synonymous with love. every. single. time i write or hear or speak that sentence, another piece of my puzzle falls into place. i cannot explain it. i just feel it in my bones how deeply THAT is now my purpose. it’s my purpose in my own mind, and it’s my purpose in every relationship, big or small, that i encounter. make His name synonymous with Love. God IS love. why is this always somehow new news to me?
because we’re hard-wired to find fault. because it’s too simple. because it’s too risky. because we’re on the defense from an early, early age. because trauma of all shapes and sizes. because fear. because it’s easier to stay on the surface instead of climbing down in The Trenches where the broken and beautiful are limping across their finish lines before another day and race begins. because it hurts a lot, a whole lot, to feel the heartbreaking empathy of another’s suffering when there’s nothing you can do but sit in it with them.
but oh! Jesus sat with people. He did. and it was radical and controversial and the people that He came to save turned against Him because He didn’t have enough rules and regulations. give me a ballpark, Jesus, of who my neighbor is. give me the exact number i need to tithe every month, and not a penny more. tell me how far i have to go to make it into Your kingdom without getting my hands dirty.
and instead Christ stooped down and used His hands to pick up dust and dirt and breadand broken people and children and widows and prostitutes and tax collectors and wood and nails and mud and wine and called it all Love. and THAT is the story i get to tell every day. that my God IS Love. that’s the miracle and the mystery and the grace of it all.
and if something in your life cannot believe that His name is synonymous with love, i deeply believe you. i was you and still have to actively accept the fresh wineskins i’m given as i heal. i’m so sorry it happened the way it did for you. you are loved and seen as you are. you don’t have to change a second of your story to sit with us. whenever you’re ready, there’s an open seat at a table made for all by a God that is love. there really is more room here. room to be loved, room to rest, and room to heal alongside all of us other misfit toys.
that’s all for today. i’ll always save you a seat.